Sano's Crime Scene
by Fireruby
Summary: Sano's having a rather strange day. From the minute he woke up, he's been finding evidence of a murder at the Kamiya dojo... but... Did Kaoru really kill Kenshin? Or is this just another one of Sano's blunders? [COMPLETED! Humor&Mystery. K&K. Please R&R.]
1. Part One: Sano's Day

(A/N- I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of it's characters, alright? -pokes you- Are you happy now? -pokes you again- ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! Lol, j/k. This fic was done by my friend Akemi. She asked me to post it up here with my other stories, so I did. Enjoy.)  
  
The sun was peaking up over the horizon and Sanoske was yawning loudly, trying to get himself out of his futon. Normally, he would try and sleep in as late as possible, especially when spending the night at the dojo. But Kaoru had refused to give him any food last night when he had laughed at her cooking. He was going to make up for the lack of food this morning.  
  
  
  
"Food..." he sighed to himself, hungerly sniffing the mouth-watering sent drifting into the room.  
  
He slowly made his way out of the futon, out of the room, and was almost to the kitchen when he heard a loud crash from inside. He paused near the doorway to listen and make sure the coast was clear. He didn't want Kaoru taking out her anger on him again.  
  
For a few minutes there was complete silence. Then Sano heard Kenshin's embarrassed voice echoing through the doorway.   
  
"Gomen ne, Kaoru-dono. Please excus--"  
  
"Argh!!!!" He was cut off by Kaoru's anguished cry.  
  
Sano then heard a set of feet hurrying out the door of the dojo. Another set followed close behind the first. He determinded that it was now safe and eagerly stepped into the kitchen. He grinned when he saw the breakfast Kenshin had left cooking. It suddenly didn't matter to him why Kaoru was chasing Kenshin out of the kitchen.   
  
"Look at all this food...."  
  
It was all his now.  
  
[---~---]  
  
It was now late afternoon. Since that morning, Sano had been gambling a bit, visited some friends, and bummed some more food off Tae at the Akabeko. He would have considered it a pretty average day, except for that fact that he hadn't seen Kenshin anywhere. Though he would never admit it, he was starting to worry a little. He wondered if Kaoru had hurt him for whatever he'd done that morning. He shook that thought from his mind and started back for the dojo.   
  
When he finally got there, he slid open the door violently.  
  
"KENSHIN!!", he shouted. "Are you here?! I better not find out you've been hiding out here all day! You could've at least said good morning or something. I'll wring your neck--"  
  
"Sano?", Kaoru's voice carried across the grounds. It sounded like she was back in the kitchen. "Is that you Sano? Come on in..."  
  
The ex-ganster quietly slid the door shut and walked in the direction of Kaoru's voice. When he finally spotted her, he found out he'd been right. She was in the kitchen. Now, understand... Sano being right isn't something that happens every day. And he would have been quite proud of his accomplishment if he hadn't been so shocked about the sight greeting him.  
  
Kaoru was standing at the stove, holding a frying pan over the flame with blood-stained hands. Inside the pan, was something looking remarkably like the back of Kenshin's head. Sano took a closer look and clutched at his stomach. It WAS the back of Kenshin's head. Kaoru suddenly began cackling evily.  
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick..." He moaned to himself. Louder, he said, "Um, Jou-Chan...."  
  
Kaoru didn't bother turning around. She stopped cackling and replied gleefully.  
  
"I'll be making dinner tonight, Sano. Would you like to stay and eat with us?"  
  
For the first time in his life, Sano felt appalled at the thought of food.  
  
"Um, no thanks."  
  
Kaoru shrugged and continued frying the pan. Sano watched her rocking it slightly, making sure she didn't burn his best friend's face. He really was gonna be sick...  
  
For a long time, the two just stood that way. Kaoru cooking the head and Sano looking at her with a mixture of horror and nausea on his face. Then Kaoru suddenly blurted out, "Well, I guess I'd better go take care of the rest of it...". She set the lid back on the pan, and casually left, whistling as she went. Sano was beyond shocked.  
  
After a few moments spent trying to recover, Sano followed Kaoru out of the dojo and stalked her from a distance. It was starting to get dark out, but he could still clearly make-out her outline. He saw her walk in through the back door of the Akabeko and decided to hide behind a nearby tree. He heard Kaoru's cheery voice ringing through the darkness.  
  
  
  
"Arigatou for letting me keep this in your freezer, Tae-san. I don't know what'd I'd do without you."   
  
"It wasn't a problem, Kaoru-chan."  
  
Kaoru picked up a heavy looking bag and hauled it over her shoulder. She then took a shovel, tucked it under her arm and started to walk away.  
  
"Konbanha, Tae-san"  
  
"Konbanha."  
  
Sano stayed in his hiding spot and watched Kaoru walk past. Close-up, he saw that the bag had splotches of blood staining the top. It was big enough to carry a body, and the load looked heavy enough too. He was positive of what it was. Once again, he felt sick.  
  
[---~---]  
  
Sano fell to his knees and resisted screaming. He could not believe what he had just seen. He pinched himself hard, and winced in pain.  
  
  
  
"Kuso... this isn't just some twisted nightmare..."  
  
His brain was slowly processing the day's events. After a few minutes, it was suddenly clear to him what he should do. Kaoru had obviously killed Kenshin. He must have done something horrible that morning. Really horrible. Kaoru seemed to be getting some freakish pleasure from torturing his already dead body. It all seemed so sick and twisted... but he was sure she was going to bury his body now. Somewhere private, where no one could find the evidence of her crime. Yes... that must have been what the shovel was for...  
  
  
  
He suddenly jumped up and ran at his top speed for the dojo.   
  
"No place like home for burying a body..." He thought glumly.  
  
He had to stop her.  
  
[---~---]   
  
When Sano arrived, once again, at the dojo enterance, he slid open the front door violently, for the second time that day. He was running through to the back of the dojo when he heard Kenshin's voice call to him from the sitting room.  
  
  
  
"Sano? Daijobu ka? Why on earth are you running?"  
  
Sano was so shocked to hear THAT familiar voice, he collided with the wall two feet in front of him.  
  
"K- Ke- KENSHIN?!"  
  
He ran over to the sound of the voice, and reached him almost immediatly. There, sitting on the wooden floor, was Kenshin Himura. Someone he never thought he'd see again. For the umpteenth time that day, Sano was shocked beyond words. When he finally managed to speak, he was stuttering badly and speaking rather softly.  
  
"Y-You're... You're n-n-not-t a g-gh-ghost? Are y-you?"  
  
Kenshin now looked rather shocked as well.  
  
"Sano... what are you talking about?"  
  
Sano couldn't manage anymore complete sentences. He ran over to his friend and hugged him so tightly, they both had trouble breathing.  
  
"....Kenshin......"  
  
Kenshin was even more shocked at the sudden show of emotion from the ex-gangster. He was now speechless as well. For lack of anything better to do, he patted Sano softly on the back.  
  
Suddenly Kaoru walked in, a bright smile on her face.  
  
"Dinner's almost ready Kenshin! We'll have it all to ourselves tonight. Yahiko is staying with Tae and Sano--"  
  
She cut herself off, noticing the rooster-headed man knelt on the floor.  
  
"Oh... nevermind. Sano, what's wrong?"  
  
Sano looked up at her and abruptly stopped heaving what looked like sobs of relief. He glared at her and stood up, moving between her and Kenshin. He protectively put up two arms to block her way, incase she decided to attack.  
  
"I'm fine, Jou-Chan. Now please step back a bit... slowly..."  
  
"What?!", Kaoru was starting to look ticked. She looked at Kenshin for an explanation. If anything, he looked more confused then ever.  
  
"Don't you look at him like that! Don't you dare think about killing him again!"  
  
Kenshin fell over backwards in shock. Kaoru didn't waste any time with shock. She looked utterly pissed.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'KILL HIM AGAIN'?! WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GET THE IDEA THAT I'D DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!" Kaoru calmed down a little and said, in a matter-of-fact tone. "Besides, for me to 'kill him again', I'd have to have killed him in the first place. He looks pretty alive to me."  
  
Kenshin finally got over his initial surprise enough to join in the conversation.   
  
  
  
"That's right, Sano. Kaoru-dono hasn't killed me. She hasn't even yelled at me yet today. Why did you think I was dead?"  
  
Sano took a deep breath, and sat himself back down. Sensing a story, Kaoru sat down too. Next to Kenshin. Sano took another rather deep breath and told them exactly what had happened to him since waking up that morning. 


	2. Part Two: The Real Deal

Kaoru and Kenshin listened intently to Sano's recount of his day. Both of them seemed to blush a bit at certain parts near the beginning, but as he came nearer to the end, Kaoru's face was reddening with pure indignation. When Sano finally finished, he took another deep breath and looked at them both, as if hoping to get an award for surviving the entire ordeal.   
  
"Are you done now?" Kaoru asked through clenched teeth.  
  
Sano nodded. "Yes"  
  
"Good….", she said in a calm voice. Then she lost it. "HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I'D DO SUCH THINGS! I AM NOT A COLD BLOODED KILLER!" She looked at Kenshin rather apologetically as soon as she'd realized what she'd said.  
  
Kenshin pretended not to notice. "Of course you're not, Kaoru-dono. Sano, maybe you'd like to hear what really happened today…"  
  
Sano nodded again.  
  
Kenshin nodded as well. "Okay, then. I'll start…"  
  
[---~---]  
  
Many hours earlier…  
  
It was another bright morning at the Kamiya dojo. Kenshin had woken up at sunrise to start on breakfast. He was in the kitchen, doing just that, when a sleepy looking Kaoru walked in. He instantly turned to greet her.  
  
"Good morning, Kaoru-dono."  
  
"Good morning, Kenshin." She replied. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"  
  
Kenshin shook his head. "No, I have everything under control. I really would like some company, though." His face turned a soft shade of red. "That is… if you don't mind."  
  
Kaoru smiled. "I'd love to keep you company." She quietly walked over behind him and was about to start up a conversation when he suddenly turned around and ran right into her. Shocked, he grabbed her waist and spun her and himself around, so that he was now going to be the first one to hit the hard, wooden floor. Which he did. He immediately felt a sharp pain directly between his shoulder blades. Kaoru landed softly on top of him. She looked worried.  
  
"Kenshin…" She whispered softly. "Are… are you alright?"  
  
"Yes…" He said just as quietly. Then the situation seemed to dawn on him. "Gomen ne, Kaoru-dono. Please excus--"  
  
Kenshin and Kaoru just then noticed the faint snickering at the window. Yahiko was outside it, looking at them both and seeming as though he was holding back a giggle fit.   
  
Kaoru let out an anguished cry and immediately ran out the door, chasing Yahiko into the street. Kenshin quickly followed her, with a worried look on his face.   
  
[---~---]   
  
"Oh, so that's what happened this morning!" Sano interrupted, sounding relieved.  
  
Kenshin and Kaoru both nodded, their faces a little pink from having to share the morning's events with their friend. But it seemed that something was still bothering Sano.  
  
"But… But what about the head?"  
  
Kenshin now looked utterly confused. "Oro? The head?"  
  
Kaoru was thinking… "Do you mean… the sauce I was cooking?"  
  
"Sauce?!" Sano exclaimed, "That was not sauce! It was Kenshin's head!"  
  
Kaoru sighed. "No, it wasn't. I guess I'd better tell you this part…"   
  
[---~---]  
  
Kaoru had been chasing Yahiko for over half an hour now. Yahiko was starting to run out of breath, but his sensei showed no sign of tiring. Kenshin was still following them both silently, not sure of what to say. Now scared out of his mind, Yahiko ducked into the Akabeko and hurried into the kitchen. Kaoru ran in right after him, still furious. Luckily for him, Kaoru ran into Tae before she found him.  
  
"Ohaya, Kaoru-san"  
  
Kaoru forced a smile, "Ohaya, Tae-san. Have you seen-"  
  
Just then Kenshin burst into the Akabeko entrance. He spotted Kaoru and Tae, and walked over to them. He stopped beside Kaoru.  
  
"Oha-"  
  
"Tae", Kaoru interrupted him. "Have you seen Yahiko?"  
  
Tae shook her head and tilted it towards the kitchen. "He's probably back there, though. He's started coming to help us out with our morning crowd recently."  
  
Kaoru looked a little surprised. "Well… if he's working… I guess I shouldn't bother him."  
  
Tae smiled. "Good. Would you and Kenshin-san like to sit down and have some breakfast?"  
  
"Um… we did kind of just leave the breakfast at the dojo…" Kaoru smiled, "And I'd bet Sano's already gotten his hands on it…. Sure, Tae-san. We'd love some breakfast."  
  
So, they both sat down and enjoyed a very-well prepared breakfast together. When they had finished, Kaoru asked what the recipe was. After Tae had explained it, Kaoru was convinced that she could make the dish.  
  
Kenshin looked at her nervously. "Are you sure you should do it? You've been so busy lately…"  
  
Kaoru firmly shook her head. "I'm not that busy. Besides, dinner last night was a disaster. I'm going to make up for it tonight." She took out a piece of paper and scribbled out a list of supplies for Kenshin to get. Tae glanced at it and said, "When you're done getting those, you can keep them in our freezer if you like". He reluctantly took the list, got up, nodded at Tae, and left. Kaoru got up too, but not before turning to smile at Tae. "Arigatou, Tae-san." Tae returned the smile and went back to serving her customers.   
  
Kaoru left to buy the sauce.  
  
[---~---]  
  
Kaoru stopped for a second to catch her breath.   
  
"But that still doesn't explain the head!" Sano said anxiously. "What about the head!"  
  
Kaoru sighed. "I'm getting there, Sano." She glanced nervously at Kenshin. "Um, Kenshin, could you maybe… plug your ears or something?"  
  
Kenshin and Sano both looked confused. "Why?" they asked simultaneously.  
  
Kaoru sighed again and turned a rather deep shade of red.  
  
"Never mind… I'll continue…"  
  
[---~---]  
  
After Kaoru bought the sauce, she returned to the dojo. Tae had said this sauce was strange. It was rather thick, so she had to put it over a fire for a few minutes to soften it up. When Kaoru got to the kitchen, she took the sauce out of her paper bag, unwrapped it, and found that Tae had been right. The sauce was thicker then pudding.  
  
She remembered Tae saying that the sauce was easier to melt when it wasn't just poured into the pan, or squished onto the bottom. She had suggested molding it into some sort of shape, and then cooking it. So Kaoru did just that.  
  
She put it in the pan, started the fire, and held the pan over the flame. It didn't take long for her to realize what that little blob of sauce looked like. It looked just like Kenshin's hair. As she watched the sauce-blob wiggling in the pan, melting little by little, she couldn't help but daydream of Kenshin. She was just recalling the smooth, soothing way he always said her name when…  
  
"KENSHIN!" She heard Sano shout from across the dojo, "Are you here?! I better not find out you've been hiding out here all day! You could've at least said good morning or something. I'll wring your neck--"  
  
She instantly snapped out of her daydreams.   
  
"Sano?" She called, "Is that you Sanoske? Come on in."  
  
She shook her head sharply, determined not to let her mind drift again.  
  
After a moment or two, she heard the ex-gangster's heavy footsteps stop at the kitchen entrance.   
  
As she continued watching the little blob of sauce, her mind started to drift, yet again…  
  
She thought about Megumi, about how she was always flirting with Kenshin… Playing with his hair… It always made her so mad.  
  
She imagined the older woman in her position. Melting a sauce and daydreaming of Kenshin. Setting the house on fire. Getting yelled at.   
  
She cackled rather evilly at the thought.  
  
"Um, Jou-Chan…"  
  
It was then that she remembered who was standing behind her. She decided to invite him over for her soon-to-be-great dinner.  
  
"I'll be making dinner tonight, Sano. Would you like to stay and eat with us?"  
  
"Um, no thanks."  
  
Kaoru was a little surprised at that. She had never known Sano to turn down free food. She shrugged it off and continued trying to melt the sauce. He must have made a date or something…   
  
'Date… Dates… Oh! That reminds me! I still have to pick up the other ingredients! How could I forget about then? Kaoru no baka! …. At least I have the sauce done…'  
  
"Well, I guess I'd better go take care of the rest of it..."  
  
She put on a cheerful face, set down the pan, and left the dojo. She was whistling to the tune of a love song as she left.  
  
[---~---]  
  
Sano stared at Kaoru, watching her turn many different shades of red as she told her story.  
  
To Kaoru's eternal relief, Kenshin had left to fix them all some water right before she started talking about her daydreams. He got back a few moments after she finished her story. He set the water glasses down and looked at them both.  
  
"Have you already finished your story, Kaoru-dono? What'd I miss?"  
  
Sano looked at him for a moment, opened his mouth to answer, but ended up laughing instead.  
  
Kaoru looked at him as she turned an even deeper shade of red.  
  
"You… didn't miss anything important, Kenshin."  
  
Kenshin smiled and sat back down on the floor. He turned his violet gaze over to Sano, who quickly got over his laughing fit and looked at Kaoru.   
  
"So… the argument was just an accident. The head was a blob of sauce you were melting. What about the body? And… the shovel?"  
  
Kaoru sighed. "Would you stop saying things like 'the body' and 'the head'. It obviously wasn't Kenshin's body or head you saw. Just take a look at him and you'll see he still has them both."  
  
Sano smirked. "I'll say. You haven't taken your eyes off either of them since I got here."   
  
Kenshin and Kaoru both blushed furiously. Kaoru narrowed her eyes and clenched her fist. She looked like she was about to hit him.  
  
Sano help up both his palms (a sign of peace). "Alright, alright. Sorry. I get what your saying. So… what was in that big blood-stained tote bag, if it wasn't a big blood-stained body?"  
  
Sano was surprised when Kenshin answered.  
  
"The bag had vegetables, herbs, spices and things for Kaoru-dono's dinner. There was a lot of it, so I decided to keep it in that big bag while I searched for the other ingredients. And, that was not blood staining the top. I… accidentally squashed one of the tomatoes when I was stuffing it inside."  
  
Sano looked at him. "And, the shovel?"  
  
Kaoru crossed her arms. "You really need more proof that I didn't kill him?"  
  
Sano frowned. "I... just want to know what the shovel was for."  
  
"Tae borrowed it from me about a month ago." Kaoru sighed. "She wanted to plant a vegetable garden in the back of the Akabeko so she could make some of her foods a little cheaper. She was done with it, so I picked it up while I was getting the bag. Kinda killing two birds with one stone.... not literally."  
  
Sano chuckled and thought a moment. "So... that's really what happened, then?"  
  
Kaoru nodded.  
  
"And… you two have just been trying to make a nice dinner this whole time?"  
  
Kenshin nodded as well.  
  
"And… Jou-Chan hasn't killed anyone today?"  
  
This time they both nodded.  
  
Sano felt immensely relived. He looked at them both and started laughing.  
  
"Baka! I can't believe I got so worked up over nothing!"  
  
Kenshin smiled. "That's alright, Sano."  
  
The ex-gangster grinned back at him and stood up.  
  
Kaoru and Kenshin both did the same, and they all three walked back to the kitchen, so that Kaoru might get a chance to finally finish her "great dinner".  
  
"So… anyway, Jou-Chan… I'm a little curious... just what's so special about Kenshin's voice?" 


End file.
